Last week my White roommate and I went to Albertson's to get a few grocery items. No sooner than we passed the threshold of the door, a Black bagger standing by greeted us with a "What's up?". My roommate failed to respond, because he's deaf and was unaware that anyone had spoken to us. I returned his "What's up?" but he didn't hear my response. I knew he didn't hear cause he raised his voice and insisted "What's up, brotha?" I'm thinking… why-the-fuck you do have to put emphasis on brotha? I repeated my original response, but it came out saturated in annoyance. I could feel his glare. I turned to look at him as we continued to walk, he was pissed. The look on his face made it clear that he thought I was a racist. In his mind, I had failed to acknowledge that we are both Black, which is an unforgivable offense. Every time I see him from now on, I will always be the brotha with the White friends, who hates Black people. I was miserable the entire time we shopped because I knew I was going to have to see him when we left and face his condemning glare. Sure enough, he eyeballed my ass all-the-way out of the store. I wanted to yell "I SAID IT THE FIRST TIME! I'M NOT AGAINST YOU!"

When I was a youngster, my dad used to take my brothers, my sister and me to the park every Saturday afternoon. It was a community tradition, many of the Black fathers in the neighborhood brought their kids to the park. The adults played basketball while us young ones took total advantage of the freedom from adult supervision. That's where I first saw the universal nod of brotherhood in action. There's an unspoken, yet accepted practice amongst Black men, requiring us to acknowledge one another when passing each other in public. I know it's true that men, and women, of all races commonly acknowledge each other on a human-to-human level, but there is a sense of obligation for this to occur amongst Black men in particular. The failure to acknowledge offense can be compared to saying "FUCK YOU".

stacking the deck

May 13, 2006

With all the new changes in my life (namly the new job and future move to the valley as discussed in the previous post), I think it’s about time for me to start fresh all together.

Butt has been calling me all week trying to set up our next meeting, but finals and other stress has kept me busy. Besides, it’s time for some new buddies anyway. The valley is too far to keep my current flings alive. Truthworthy might be the only exception as he is superbly talented when he is on his knees. He came over last week to remind me of exactly why I continue to see him semi-regularly.

The whole idea of this move has been the catalyst for brainstorming and planning for my future. I’m now starting to save for my first home, my retirement plan is finally getting some attention, and my debt will be accounted for fairly soon as well. So what’s missing? A life partner.

I must admit that I have been avoiding personal relationships in favor of carefree sex and a reliable group of friends. This has worked well for me during the last few years which follows the demise of my relationship with The roommate. We were together for 3 years, and somehow during that short stint, my skepticism has increased tremendously. I have to avoid catching feelings, because I tend to fall too easily- and once I’m in love… I’m like puddy. The problem is that too often I fall for the wrong guys (and girls here and there) and end up on the floor clutching my chest trying to alleviate the heart palpitations. That gets old. I’d rather not trust anyone, which has been a viable solution until now. I want a personal connection again.

Am I ready for that? Time will tell.

Since everything is about the future now, I’m not going to finish the story of
truthworthy and the roommate as it no longer defines my situation. Instead, I’m going to look forward to searching for a life partner, enjoying new fuck buds along the way.

the horizon

May 10, 2006

SFV SignIt's been a busy week me for as finals approach rapidly. I haven't been able to be social at all, with all of the work on my plate. Usually, I look forward to summer and find my peace in a few weeks of doing the absolute minimal. That will not be possible this time around, because I just got a new job that will require me to move to the valley. The job is great, I will more than double my income, and it's a challenging position. So I'll spend my summer commuting to work and looking for a suitable place to live… without the roommate.

My departure from the roommate comes with a surprisingly strong feeling of anxiety. The ties will finally be broken. Still, I know this is long overdue.

On to something new…

I'm going to be introducing sLaveLips the podcast fairly soon. In fact, I planned to put up the first episode last weekend but, in the true fashion of an amateur, I broke the mic input on my laptop. My BRAND NEW laptop! I started working with a standard microphone, but I found that the base in my voice was so strong that my speech was undecipherable. So I played with the audio settings in Sony's Acid Music Studio to adjust it, but it was obvious that the mic wasn't working correctly in the first place. So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to try and plug in the microphone that I bought for my Mac G4 tower, which is a powered mic. I didn't notice that the jack bit was about a quarter of an inch longer than the standard size, so I just shoved it into my pc like an idiot. The THROB THROB THROB sound told me that something wasn't quite right. Anyway, now I'll be working with garageband on the Mac, so look forward to that.

George and Jeb BushNow as if my own little world is't enough, I also have to keep a close eye on our president who has apparently lost his mind in suggesting that his brother, Jeb Bush, run for President in 2008. The last time I checked, we didn't have a Royal Family in America. Gay people beware, when the campaign season comes around, your rights will be targeted again, just to gain popularity amongst red state voters who will have forgotten the atrocities of this administration.

A friend of mine pointed me to this. I thought I would share it.

Take note of the methods they utilize to emphasis the evilness of the homosexual:

- the whimsical music

- the slick hair

- the dark glasses

- the squint

gay. black. irritated. 

turn around

April 1, 2006

I had the time of my life sitting in traffic yesterday. Well, actually, the first 55 minutes was painfully excruciating. None-the-less, the 15 minute stretch I spent where the 405 connects to the 110 was priceless. There was a caveman behind me driving so close I could feel him breathe. He kept switching lanes, but never managed to get in front of me, and I was not intentionally blocking him in any way. His frustration was amusing at first, but it got annoying quickly. So, I decided to annoy him by pretending that I was not affected by his shenanigans. I called a friend that always makes me laugh, and tried to forget about him. A glance in the mirror here and there assured me that he was getting more irritated by my non-reaction to his feeble attempt to intimidate me. Justice can be a real bitch though. In a craze, the caveman switched lanes and hit the gas, thus back-ending a small car that had been the whole time. I laughed my ass off. That made my day. I tried to make sure the caveman saw me laughing at him, but his embarrassment would not allow him to look in my direction. The look on his face was golden. I was thoroughly satisfied.

 

It was a slow speed accident, so no one was harmed… fortunately.

 

gay. black. vengeful.

pre-kiss

March 28, 2006

Attention: It's about time for another encounter. This time I'm the one who is nervous. I've been talking to a new, or somewhat new, bootycall who I'll call Butt. This guy is special because I actually think about him throughout the day. He's got too many hot features. He's got a nicely toned body, an ample amount of trace hair, and a nice supple ass. He's my age too, (well he's 26, I'm 24). On top of that, he's got a killer pre-kiss. There is something about the way he opens his mouth right before I kiss him that drives me all-the-way nuts.

He just sent me a text message to see what I'm up to tonight. As much as I'd like to invite him over, I can't. I made plans to hit the bar with my best friend. It's Latin night. I'm not a fan of the music, but I'm a fan of the scenery. So, I told Butt to meet me there instead. At least we can hang, and I can fantasize about what might have happened if I told him to come to my house instead. I plan to be faded and drunk tonight, so I know the complete attention of my imagination will be all over the place.

He and I met through friends a few weeks ago at a dinner gathering. I was late because I had been messing around with a friend. Butt was sitting next to me and I could tell that he loved hearing me relive the fun I just had. I introduced myself to him and he killed me with a sexy smile. Butt isn't his real name (duh), but I call him that cause of his perfect ass which I got to stare at later that night. He and I had our own conversation. Appearantly, he's into nice bubble butts just as much as I am. Two tops. We talked about his boyfriend too. Hearing that he was unavailable made me want him more.

So, I got his number. What the fuck, right? We can be friends. No, Seriously. I didn't plan to hook up with him. It was obvious what he wanted to play though. He casually brought it up that he is in an open-relationship. Liar. Normally, lies make me sick and turn me off. I mean, just be HONEST. But, I took another look at his back side and decided I didn't care. It's not like me to be with someone else's guy either. Where have my morals gone?
We have fooled around a few times since that night. The pre-kiss thing still drives me nuts? It's hot as hell. He can take me places with that alone. Such a nice ass too.

Shit. I'd better end it.

[note: I actually wrote this post in July of 2005, but circumstance has kept me from publishing my posts until now. Instead of trying to put up an archive or old writings you are not likely to read, I have decided to open this blog with one post from the past. From here on in, every post will be current.]

gay. black. horny.

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